Oh, I leave this world
The sentence above is a mantra that I often say in my heart, very often, every day, every time I feel that life is suck.
When I was young I wanted one day I would be able to become a cool Designer, maybe now I have achieved it. Of course I was happy, but somehow the feeling of having reached the dream couldn’t fill my heart.
When I have the freedom to work remotely, sometimes I live in Lamongan with my family, sometimes in Yogyakarta with my Studio colleagues, sometimes in Surabaya for a moment to meet my close friends. Even though in every place I was with the people closest to me, it still couldn’t fill my heart too, sometimes I was confused about where exactly I should live.
Every day I just always try to do my best in every activity, I try to meet the team’s expectations of my performance and attitude, I also try to contribute to the Studio that I built with my friends. But somehow I didn’t find more passion to have a bigger dream, as if everything I have right now is enough for me, so why should I work harder? why should i dream higher? If it’s only for me, i feel it’s too much.
This emptiness makes me feel that the world is a place worth leaving, a place we shouldn’t have been born to, this emptiness is very strange.
I started to find out by sharing stories with some of my close friends about this emptiness, some people also experienced the same thing. You know what the reason is?
The reason is because humans always need someone who can fill the emptiness of the heart. Someone who can be a place where we can come home, a place where we feel where we belong. Someone who can give us hope and passion to have bigger dreams. Someone who can make us feel that life is the most beautiful gift and it’s worth fighting for.
Once again, I want my life to be more meaningful, to live a life not only for myself, but also for someone who can fill the emptiness.
Once again, stop me from saying a mantra, I leave this world.
